Listening for that Voice

I simply don't understand how in the world life works. In spite of this, however, I don't find myself craving a perfect understanding of all the hidden and unknown factors that influence daily life. I've often thought that it'd be more than beneficial to know what would happen before it did, or to at least see some rationality in circumstantial happenings. But, as someone close to me recently pointed out, that knowledge would make life dull and blunt. The fact is that no one can see the future. No matter how much I want to find a way out of dark times, no matter how much I try in my own power to escape adversity, no matter how hard I try to change, I won't be able to do a thing. I am powerless, completely reliant on someone else to guide me and to light the path on which I trod, though it be for a very short distance. Many times when I'm feeling especially blue I really despise and resent my figurative blindness; I feel helpless and worn for any practical solutions. Yet, I forget what I do know, I forget what is promised me, I forget what is sure and I begin to drown in unknowns. Fortunately for the entirity of humanity, whom I imagine all experience these moments at times, Salvation from this is available, solid ground is waiting to rise from the sea to give us a fim place to stand, if we would but ask God for it. And, as ridiculous as it may sound, it's amazing how often, even after asking for and standing on that solid ground, I forget that it's there and begin to drown again in the waves of doubt and self-ambiguity.

The last work I posted addressed those feelings of sinking and darkness in which I had found myself struggling recently. But, having cried out for solid ground, the voracity of those previous feelings has gone, replaced with the feeling of rock beneath my feet, though it was there the whole time. Now, my vision is clearing, and I'm getting ready to stand - and only One knows what will happen from there.

The sequel I've written is long, but it figuratively portrays the catalyst for change to which I'm in debt. Of course actual lasting change is found God, but others frequently point in that direction and help us move along in that direction. So, enjoy: When it Rained - A Story Sequel.

~ Jon ~

Forest shades of wonder,
I walk in humble awe,
Of beauty strong like thunder,
Though emotions are so raw.

Tow’ring pillars of wood,
Whisper gently divine,
Like God’s creation should,
Displaying truths by design.

These my heart holds dear,
Friends and those I love,
I think about in here,
And remember her above.

For here my soul finds rest,
Light of good shines ‘round,
Gentle flowers show this best,
Smiling up from the ground.

And so the whispers in the leaves,
Touch upon my heart so close,
All the tales the wind breathes,
Rustle sounds of hope most…

My only world of peace,
Quiet sanctuary,
This place where sorrows cease,
And remembrances marry.

I walked on through fields of green,
Under shadows of the trees,
And the lights of the sun seen,
Led me to my knees.

There in the stillness of the wood,
And ebenezers all around,
My heart was shaken as I stood,
And I heard another sound.

The distant silence shattered,
As lightening tore the sky,
Rain then poured and battered,
My solitude [was] defied.

Yet though the storm was fierce,
The rumbling passed its course,
The sky, by lightening no more pierced,
And light rain fell without force.

I stood still in my forest new,
All was quiet, all was still,
The peace of steady rain was true,
I stood listening with a will.

No sound escaped the pat’ring rain,
No melody to raise my hopes
I listened harder, but in vain,
Like those thin strands dangling ropes.

And there, that dusk, I missed you more,
Than everything, than life itself,
But I’m still here and waiting for,
Your lovely, friendly, kindest wealth.

Now as I listened closely to,
The rain fall gently through the air,
I though I heard a song renew,
Like that to which none compare.
----
Song drifts upon my ears through rain,
The song I gave up long as dead,
I hear, but faint, and full of pain,
Once more it sang throughout my head.

How my heart had sought that song,
Melodious, beautiful, sweet,
Its wells sustained me, cleansed my wrongs,
Now heard again it moved my feet.

One more I moved along that path,
Slowly, still doubting my pure joy,
But fear of my own soul’s wrath,
Drew me faster as man not boy.

As I moved, the rain fell fast,
My thoughts they ran beside my feet,
Every doubt aside was cast,
All I wished was you to meet.

I flew along that empty road,
Your sweet voice sang on with each step,
Serene forest through which I strode,
Echoed with your song; I wept.

Rain of your song and tears of hope,
Ran down my face as I ran on,
These feelings now I can cope,
New clothes was I about to don.

I saw ahead through trees, a light,
It burned within a clearing small,
So powerful and gracious, bright,
Sending forth a melodic call.

My heart felt like floating on air,
My soul caught in rapturous height,
I gazed upon my love so fair,
All sound and noise faded that night.

With disbelief in every stride,
Trembling with the force of love,
My journey ended by your side,
You held my gaze like angels above.

The terror of that night you fell,
Is gone forever with you here,
I hold your hands and say all’s well,
And with joy – there’s naught to fear.

The light of moon and sun of day,
Shine down around your glor’yus face,
Everything I wanted to say,
I spoke those days in our embrace.

The work of God, created stars,
Solid woods, their beauty true,
All laugh their smiles like painting art,
While once again I hold only you…

Metaphorically ambiguous....

I was elated today to once again feel the those glorious pulsing bursts of original energy running through the fingers to my pen. The past few weeks have been tantamount to trudging down a long mountain path without any opportunity to rest or reflect - it's just been one task after another with little time in between. They say that hindsight is 20/20, and I find myself agreeing with that pithy bit of wisdom more after this past crazy month I think I ever have. It was an arduous marathon getting to this point in the present, but I'm very thankful for that time of focus, dedication and trial. To be completely honest, I wouldn't have really grown at all, spiritually, mentally etc. without the challenges of the past few weeks. However, this morning, I walked out of the church building and suddenly felt overwhelmed - a mood that usually leads directly to some sort of expression on paper for me :-) That thought having passed, I sat outside of church on a granite slab taking notes on some of my meager thoughts. The result is what's posted below, When it Rained. Lastly, I feel compelled to say that it's wonderful to have almost all of the burden of school from this past year lifted off of my shoulders for a time. I'm really looking forward to this Summer and I hope this will once again inspire some creativity within my soul :-) More to follow, more to come...

~ Jon ~

When it Rained

You’ve captured my heart,
I can never turn back,
To being normal me,
You’ve filled what I lack.

Our road travels on,
Many stories are told,
But the ones about you,
Just never grow old.

That when you sang,
All the times that you ran;
All times when you smile,
I remember I can…

These days were so sweet,
Mem’ries I hold dear,
Life simply was fun,
With you somewhere near.

But clouds then rolled in,
In – evit – able,
Sorrow tempered my joy,
I felt my heart strings pull.

I recall now the rain,
How it poured when you fell,
Like God weeping tears,
How I said all’s well…

My outside looked fine,
But inside I wept too,
I longed for those days to return,
My only wish is to hold you.

They think my life’s fine,
But they don’t see inside,
Your part of me was torn,
Ripped away – and I cried.

I wept not for me,
My heart’s used to pain,
But for the times that we had,
When I used to hear your voice in the rain…

(Please,) Bring her back again…