Life

Well, the week has been tremendous...a tremendous rollercoaster that is. All kinds of awesome and not so awesome things have been happening. One incredible event was the Celtic Ball on Saturday! Dancing at a ball is just fun...if you've never tried it, definitely get around to it because you'll never forget the experience. Lacking words that adequately describe what an amazing time I had, suffice it to say that the Ball was better than anything you can say with words! :-)
There have been some trying times lately, but I won't bore ya'll with them. The only thing I will say is posted below in the form of my version of poetry...it may or may not be, but that's beside the point. I had something on my heart, and I needed to release some pent up emotion - my work below is the product of that partial release :-) Believe me, I'm not clinically depressed or anything...I guess I'm just inspired in unorthodox ways =P

Hope ya'll have a wonderful day....and leave comments if you feel like it ;-)

~ Jon ~

The Empty Chair

She sits in humble majesty,
A queen upon her throne,
Warmth in the air a travesty,
Is she really all alone?

My crown jewel of the earth,
Glorious as all seven wonders,
Infinitely increased at birth,
th’Value of all, strong and tender,

Though my heart not built of stone,
I sat, still with my thoughts,
Committing the act to which I’m prone,
Inconsideration,
Ignoring her that I’ve sought.

I can live no longer with this…
Hate, it reflects an image of me,
Cool, it freezes my redemption,
People…I…must turn at last to Him.

Caught there, between love and longing,
My mind reasoned that dichotomy,
I wished to affirm your belonging,
But choose the path more painful to me.

The path of love, hard may be,
It cries to protect and cherish her,
Silence for now is all I can see,
Love is to wait, the future is warmer.

In all, you never left my mind,
I thought it may show you how much I care,
Discretion to search but not yet find,
You sat still across from the empty chair.

Hindsight may always be clear,
But now unknowns tear my heart,
I want now to sit and, to you, be near;
If you care, forgive that I kept us apart.

I wish now that scene I could repeat,
My longing is to see you happy there;
[and] Maybe one day I’ll fill that vacant seat,
Across from my only one,
The seat of that empty chair.

When...

My heartfelt, un-varnished, sincere, rough-hewn, unbridled thinking. Thoughts running through my head at the speed of light. Propelled by recent events they lift like waves, cresting, and fall. The thoughts stay the same, though their varacity fluctuates.
Forgive the randomness and disorder. I just need to say what I'm thinking.
=)

~ Jon ~

She Stands

There She Stands-
Fragrance of spring blossoms
Pure as driven snow,
Innocent as the dawn,
Tender as a dove,
Beautiful reflection of God.

Here I stand-
Broken, unworthy.
Struggling in the current,
Swept beyond reason,
To a place of pure joy;
To your place in my heart.

Where you are-
I long to reside,
My heart strives to find, your grace and perfection;
Shine your light through the dark,
Guide me close to you.

For God-
Giver of all life,
Has created this whole world,
Declared all things good,
But did no better work,
Than when He made you.

I love-
Your sing-song voice,
Your infectious laughter,
Your brilliant eyes,
Your heart for God,
And your simple, lovely, smile.

There she stands-
Pure, manifest, beauty,
Body, soul, and spirit;
My one and only wish,
For which I’d sacrifice all,
Is that you’d find your way to me,
And fill your place in my heart.

She still stands

Distant Present

Considering the state of my emotions when I wrote this I'm not surprised I forgot about it...but I was looking through the stuff I've written and stumbled over this poem I wrote about a month ago. It was on a day that I was feeling really, introspective and...kind of down about myself and life. Things got way better, but that day at co-op and after was torture to my conscience.
Enjoy :-)
~ Jon ~

An Imperfected Storm
~J. Fedor

My heart hung from a tree,
Afflicted by sweet memories,
By terror and fervor I’m bound,
Emotions the head will confound.

My soul rests inside glass,
Imprisoned by fears come to pass,
Reflection all around, I’m seen,
What do these silent thoughts mean?

My path traces the edge of a blade,
Past choices cannot be unmade,
High stakes, sharpened paths are before me,
Slip of foot ruins hope eternally.

Yet in the end, direction lost,
Like russet bliss to winter’s frost,
Seasons end, my heart was torn,
The path’s now empty and forlorn.

Life is now an empty shell,
Stale wind’s whispers foretell,
Of existence lost and jaded,
The light of my star all but faded.

Cosmic thoughts, eternal will,
Speak of One my heart who’ll fill,
But agape and His remedy,
Deserve none of sinful me.

Not accepting am I the grace given me,
Too late I’ve arrived and nothing I will be.
Why then the Son, moon, and stars?
God must have purpose for them from afar.

As is Autumn un to the Spring,
A longing in my heart will bring,
A desire for being redeemed,
But God’s good plan for them, is not His will for me.

Torment, depression and despair,
Doubt, the evil one’s wares,
These he offers at bargain price.
I bought, I fell, and hang now here,
Dying in a web of vice.

Cold hard morning dawned upon this earth,
She still remembers joy of virgin birth,
But my heart, broken, apostate,
Only to falling can still relate.

Book closes, curtain falls,
Scene ends, we build walls.
To forget that life, now I pray,
Shut the door, must nothing stay. (?)

Exit the chapter, turn the page,
Weep only for a passing age,
A path of my choosing stretches on,
My love soul lost, new clothes will don.

But yet again I stand still,
My feet deny themselves the will.
Move forward to face the doubt!
Struggle of progress’s what life’s about.

Two halves of life I see,
Two terms: reality and fantasy.
The latter’s purged from heat of strife,
The former’s barely hanging on to life.

Obliterated are the past and present,
Future’s challenge He underwent,
With ½ heart, I’ll attempt this too…
But Why? My only wish was for you.

With flourish and strength of soul,
I’ll press on toward unknown goal,
Leaving behind pain and suff’ring,
Humbled, broken, cold, yet warm,
Hold me now, for never let go,
Pull me out, and away from this storm.

Thanks for listening....leave comments if you feel the impulse to do so....

From the Heart

Life in my world these days has been a roller coater ride, at best. The business, stress, deadlines and expectations of the world seem to have weighed on my shoulders more than I ever thought it possible. With the tournaments, the research the studying and all the necessities of life, I've found difficult, at least, to focus my thoughts on priorities, to reflect on my faith in light of the future, and to really motivate myself to accomplish those goals that I have set. Striving under my own power has been a disaster; not only has it lead me to failure and humiliation, it's also drawn me further from the people I love and the God I serve. My life seems to be a struggle for balance and power. Balance between those I love here, and the One I serve always....Power struggles between Her as number one and my faith as number one. Never before have I faced such a war in my life. Fighting without knowledge of combat is dangerous and frightening, yet all I truly need is submission and faith in future, and hope in His plan. The answer to the upset, the heartache, the war, lies not with me, but with power stronger than I'll ever be. But bringing myself down low enough to ask for the strength beyond my own is something of a challenge. It's a challenge to submit, a call to learn, a command to carry out, an encouragement to live, and a mandate to hope...And why do I resist such power? Because of the slogan we know from birth, me myself and I. To break this is my goal. Refutation of such a narrow minded view on life must take place. A pattern of living for self-interest is the way to living a short unhappy life....Help me to see that.
Considering these thoughts I've been wrestling with, I've written a number of pieces that have, again, allowed me a somewhat helpful outlet to channel my feelings and lessons. This is me....my life, not yours. If you can learn I'll be happy to have accomplished something, but if not, enjoy my ramblings and thanks for stopping by :-)
Comments are always welcome on substance, grammar, verse, or feeling :-)

Learning,
~ Jon ~

The Joy of my Affection

My life feels so much for you,
Every part cries through me,
All emotion stops with you,
Your light you shine on life,
Your love I long to see,
To wonder in you again,
To revive, warm in your light,
To see you once again,
The joy of my affection.

All the thoughts of the day,
The worries and your cares,
Pass and wing their way,
To lofty hills above,
To sing their times abroad,
Whilst I remain, alone;
To weep, to pray, existence,
I ask for the end, for direction,
To see once again,

The joy of my affection.
Left here behind, I stand,
My mind traverses the hills,
My heart stays always with you,
Thinking of that glory day,
When reunited we shall be,
Hardship, toil, and strife,
To never show their face again,
I’ll stand by you once more
To face up to life, protection
As long as I see once again,
The joy of my affection.